a drop of blood to let them in

run till' we leave this behind

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:46:04 GMT

okay so i haven't really updated for those who actually care to stalk my pathetic life
let me do you a favour, im real boring in person cos im a nerd so piss off.. skank.

anyway watched harry potter and the ending was dumb really.
watched "The Notebook" and that was better.
yeah i know im backdated. i've watched 15 times this is without my DVD rentals =DD
i love that movie. im gonna get the book. yeah im backdated.
anyway it was so heart warming that i cried all 15++times;
at the beginning, in the middle and the ending.
ahh sappy sappy alex is a sappy flappy.
i wanna die like that with auji minus the dementure and such.

so lifes been okay. exam stress but still not doing anything
clueless about art, lin tells me no final piece and i dont know who to ask.
better do well in my other subs. okay im freaking out.
flashcards! flashcards!

even angels fall

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 22:04:00 GMT

hey eljay and whoever reads.
its almost 6am and im still up
watching sappy teenage love comedy-ish movies on ALLUC.
okay i like sappy stuff i admit. stuff that makes me get butterflies in my stomach.
i guess im in one of those moods.
watched "The Perfect Man" and "10 things i hate about you" again.
pretty good shows and yes i still have that feelings.
reminds me of the time when Auji and I got together
and all the stuff we've been through together this past year.

I am so damn grateful that he's in my life now.
Yes i have made mistakes in the past but all is forgiven.
I was actually surprised when he took me back after what i've done
and for that im grateful again.
he's the only one that knows my strengths and weaknesses and i know his.
I've never felt so comfortable with anyone my entire life.
I would do anything for him. I know he is the one i wanna be with.
A relationship I would never again doubt.
I can't see myself with anyone and he feels the same way.
I don't doubt him at all. yeah we have our fights but its not real.
like a wise friend once told me
"breaking up is childish cause' it shows you are incapable of solving it together"

When I marry him, it'll be like marrying my best friend

It doesn't get any better than this cos being with you is as good as it gets <3

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 12:16:18 GMT

go!go!7188

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 06:58:05 GMT

no tomorrow

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 06:04:15 GMT

yesterday was a really fun day.
went out with lyns to take photos.
kinda like a photoshoot know.
i only have one now but i'll post up more soon.

anyway i admit i've been slacking off my work so i guess its time for instensive studys.
i might have flopped for my mid-years but not for my prelims man NO WAY.
i've already started on my art piece. well kinda la. patrick has been helping me draw and stuff.
its been hard trying to fit in everything plus my evil tuition should be back from her honeymoon
so i'll be back in prison all depressed and crying. all for a bloody 8 pointer which i will get.
so anyway gotta rush off. gonna finish 8 chapters of bio with 9 chapters of physics
then teach my apple.

hard to get you outta my system

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 13:46:51 GMT

wooot.
well i blog here when im bored. so i guess im bored.
actually i blog trying to find answers when im in a predicament
and they just come out while i blog so hence, the blogging.

well te mid year exams start tomorrow kicking off with english
which should be easy peasy for me
but the only thing that is giving me knots in my stomach,
is the fact that i've lost my wallet!
yes the very nice night before christmas wallet
that auji bought for me with his first and only pay check XD

gahhh! the problem is that i have a paper tomorrow and they need entry proof
so there POOF goes my IC just in the very sway-est of times goodie me!
i mean its not a problem for me to just go and get it done
i just dont have the balls to tell godma yet.
I THINK SHE'LL TAKE IT WELL.
maybe something like "its okay darling here's 100 to make it"
hopefully NO SHE WILL think positive

i'll just tell her la. no choice anyway.

KPO

Mon, 21 May 2007 13:36:51 GMT

i forgot to set my comments to friends only XD
haha oh well. just one thing la
so what if we've broken up many times before,
we've never been apart.
we'd still be on the phone trying to work things out
then we'd get back together after max 3 days.
kpo la thats all. to ashamed to leave a name
but who cares i have your IP and i know who you are =D

1 year and still kicking

Fri, 18 May 2007 02:17:49 GMT

can anyone beat that!
one year and we're still so much in love and HA! we look good.
or we attempt to la. haha
this photo was taken by lyns.
she takes photos like WOAH!

noelle, someone's feeling guilty

Wed, 09 May 2007 12:53:07 GMT

if i ever have a daughter, her name would be noelle.
no specific reason. ~~its just a nice boy name for a girl which becomes a girl name eventually~~
its just a nice name.

im counting down till youknowhat its on thursday and im uber excited!
i bought him a ~~asdfafwaefsd~~ no way im telling. YES YOU! YOU DIMPLES!
godma doesnt seem to happy about the whole credit card thing so im gonna ask pete.
hopefully he'll be MR NICE GUY like he always is and agree.

okay so todays topic, emo people who think they are not emo.
its weird sometimes when people start dissing the emo thing when they themselves look like one
weird la. i saw this girls blog she was like "I WANNA MAKE A MOVEMENT!" yada yada.
im like "OKAY MOVE AWAY FROM THIS COUNTRY".
the thing that makes everything even more weird, is the fact that she appeared out of nowhere
~~how could that be. she's too big to miss!~~ okay thats childish.
but anyway, her life, her choice.
i just feel weird.

childish bitch

Thu, 03 May 2007 11:54:23 GMT

you are a childish bitch i cant stand it. and yet im still "friends" with you.
you inmature acts never cease to amaze me.
so you think i'll just jump up and do anything you say? guess again.
you are a friend worth losing.
needless to say, i hate you. so full of it.
insult our dress sense when you yourself look like one.
better yet! you look LIKE YOUR TRYING TO HARD.
do the universe a favour and go get an education.
there's no point in you going to school if you dont even do work lazy ASSHOLE!
you remarks at me dont even make sense. so what if your quick at your comebacks
BUT THERE IS NO BLOOMING POINT if it doesnt make anyfuckingoddammed sense JACKASS.
yes yes! thats your name now i will forever refer to you as A JACKASS
no no wait you are THE JACKASS cos you are the JACKASS OF THE CENTURY!

okay i feel much better.

theres too much tension going on like everywhere i turn.
especially in my house. my grandma is being a swine. yes a swine
my aunty says to control cos she's gunno go soon
if you know what i mean.
on the other hand, my poor maid.
i love her to death and all this shit that is going on is making her want to go HOME
i'll be sad! SAD SAD SAD.
i just wish everything horrible will stop NOW NOW NOW.

ps. i love tan lli! the only thing that matters.

dont like it? "don't be a bitch kay?" THATS YOU! THATS HOW YOU SOUND LIKE! jackass

bang bang

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 08:53:19 GMT

great great love each other <3333
was browsing through friendster.

okay im gonna blog my inner most thoughts sure
so today was a so so day i had a good hair day
met my BOYFRIEND
we're still together you stupid fuck and we're gonna stay together
because we love each other and if not my uncle will break his legs
okay enough la. my sister got married 2 days ago.
i can actually say that it was a perfect wedding. my sister behaved like a spas though
it was so informal and relaxed. nobody was pissed at anyone most of the time
and nobody rangled anyones neck. it was weird for me to see my sister all
huggy lovey with her ~~boyfriend~~ husband i've gotta get used to that.
the speeches were touching and everyone teared like hell but my mum is too dramatic.
no speech by her at my wedding. haha.
the best part of everything for me was to have auji with me the whole time.
got to dance with him too eventhough he does spas moves on the floor
good thing the place was dark.
well im not looking at marriage cos he's too young.
but i know for sure he's a hard habit to break and i love him too too much.

we've made a pact with the slitting of the hands and uniting blood blah blah blah
right now theres only two of us in this relationship. damn the rest.

dont let it pass you by

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 12:54:48 GMT

so so so so i did the extentions.
halfway though. cos im broke.
and my hair is thin but im doing more on friday

long eh?

moving on,
i miss alexcia! sudden urge to annoy her and make up stupid jokes.
i wish i had more friends like her. someone to rant on and on
the funny thing about her, is that she listens to my ranting! i think
i shall just wait for her to come back or maybe theres a nice poodle.

well i guess theres a time limit now.
its weird and also abit sad. i shall have to live with it
you're a good person and i'll miss that.

the third temptation of paris

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 12:22:00 GMT

this only goes to show that we're myspace whores. just kidding.
no one steals the glove!

so so so lets update update update shall we!
school was A-OK! had english today as well as maths.
i hardly concentrated during english cos
~~there was something laterally opposite the room distracting me.~~ idiot.
listened to gabbo's mp3 and heard this real awesome alesana song
and im not one to like alesana cos they're annoying and whiney tortured souls (a "haha" there)
but the song is awesome none the less.
after class met my SNAILLLLLLLLL. apparently he chao-ed class naughty shit.
but he sent me all the way back home though =D
so i waited for pete to come but he took a rain check and did not tell me asshole.
went to eastpoint. bla bla nura... nothing else la.

i am,
feeling sleepy tired hungry stressed excited happy angry. go figure.

school tmr and something real exciting.
this is probably the last pic you see of me looking ~~this gorgeous~~ like this. HAH
cant wait to see jer's hair also! weird ass cut his hair today.

a thousand sails approaching
sent here in her name to reclaim the one I stole
and destroy the walls of Troy

tickle me auji

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:07:06 GMT

im lovin my baby so much!

he passed out after that.
i feed him chocolate, yakult and 100 plus.
thats how you feed a sea monkey.

i shall go jump on him.

okay so i couldn't get back to sleep.
its been 2 hours since auji left. I MISS HIM!
we fell asleep around 3 ish and i woke him about 5.45.
so after he left, i was kinda forcing myself to go back to sleep
until i discovered this 90's melissa joan hart film on hallmark
i found it amusing eventhough it was about a shipwreck
well the show is over and im still awake.
im supposed to get up about 830 so im prolly not gonna sleep.
zombieeeeee

so im sneezing uncontrollaby hence typosxzc.
pondering my attire for this morning,
pondering on my agenda,
pondering if i should attend mass,
pondering about indo mee and all its yummilicious goodness,
pondering why i like bloc party so much
pondering if my now downloading bloc party song is corrupted.
pondering why im pondering.

shtupid.
now im gonna get ready to meet my sexy

bring it all back to you

break

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 14:13:22 GMT

today really was awesome-o!
okay im exaggerating.
i just needed a break from everything just for a day or two.
so auji spent the night at my place and left in the morning.
about two hours after, we were in a taxi on the way to the studio.
i brought books to study but i fell asleep on the sofa bed next to him.
its been awhile since we've done that.
woke up around 11ish and headed to hawa for my black pepper chicken rice!
we brought back the stuff and set in bed watching the puppet master until the stupid thing hung
and that was the end of the movie. haha which was not even 1/4 of it.
ended up watching family guy and laughing our asses off.
then i fell asleep again while auji used the com.
soon after damian came back and that kinda woke me up after that nicole and shaun came.
today was pretty fun. kinda like the old times with real people. more yet to come.

so how am i feeling about everything? pretty alright.
he took out everything from the friendster right down to that last part.
i was the rebound. or at least i think so. but anyway i have a boyfriend
i love him. i really do..
like i said, there are no winners or losers in this game. everybody is a player.
even me.

i shall not fret. not gonna let me bring MYSELF down again.
i stirr shit then im affected. wtfzxzxzxzxzalexisadeucebag.
normal normal is the norm hehe haha hoho.
see how im physco-ing myself

love has lost its cause but today has been okay

one life one chance

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 09:08:04 GMT

~~wow wonderful day. today was awesome. i had a blast!~~ well no im just fucking around.

its just amazing how everything worked out. law of attraction. i live by it now.
i was blinded by what i thought was what i wanted. i was just confused.

lets see what i did today alright?
- started a fight then ran away of course like the coward i am
- got someone in trouble
- let my boyfriend walk away from me
- lost a friend that i still care for alot
- trusted the wrong people
- blamed the wrong people
- boiled my eyes out.

and im left with nothing else. i kinda knew i was gonna lose everything that i thought was wonderful.
alex, you cant have everything. you never followed through with your final choice.
i hate school. hence, im quitting. i hate it hate it hate it and i loved it loved it loved it for all the wrong reasons.
how could i have let this happen? i dont quite know myself. my relationship with my boyfriend has deteriorated.
and i know for a fact that i let it all happen. i actually dont blame school. i dont blame anyone at all, only myself.
i could have stopped it from the beginning and it was fun when it started. next came all the shit that finally managed to hit the fan.
i wonder why sometimes i do this. i told myself never to be put in this position again but instead i let it happen again.
i should have just listened to him. i know now that im wrong.

i am fucked up

today happen with the impluse feelings of many. i feel like i could have stopped it.
but im not responsible for the way anyone feels
hell, im filling my head with nonsense.
i cant make people feel a certain way? i used to. now i dont even bother trying.
i am a trouble maker. i put myself in this position.
i wonder why im still alive too by the way and nono im not gonna kill myself cos im just too pussy.
im just questioning life and all its glory. whats in it for me at the end of the road?

i also fucked someones life up. the person probably hates me guts and wishes me to burn in hell.
thats fine. i still care alot for that someone eventhough im outta that someones life now.
for that, i back down.
and after all thats said and done, i'll never forget one life one chance.

HOLD ME, THRILL ME, KISS ME, KILL ME

i miss you more than i should

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 16:54:43 GMT

Nobody will ever know how i feel. the feelings i feel from people.
and im not responsible for the way anyone feels.
well i again have to just keep it inside me
as usual. it needs to work cos it should and it can.. can it?
my feelings contradict what i say. oh damn. see la! im confusing myself.

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

how i feel, read my lips

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 11:10:10 GMT

i was too scissor happy.

today was kinda weird. i sat with gab and miss mani was having mood swings i think.
school has become less fun and my days have become complete waste of time.
i wonder when i'll ever truely be happy.

anyway the result of my scissor happiness

as every piece of hair that fell in my sink, i was going "OH FUCK, OH SHIT"
didn't know what the hell i was doing by the way. haha.

anyway i turn eighteen tomorrow. i dont quite feel it yet.
first thing to do, buy ciggarettes but im not gonna use them though. i just want to show the dude at 7-11 that im legal
lame huh?

wedding bells

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 07:23:30 GMT

okay so its not my wedding but why do i feel like im the one getting married? okay so weird i tell you. anyway, today is EASTER! and no saint peter is not a rabbit. i watched southpark episode 5 season 11. was supposed to go for 1015am mass but changed our minds so i guess im heading over to the evening one. ~~hopefully godma comes back late and forgets all about mass.~~ so then i met the rest of my family at BABA KING at the expo for a little easter luncheon. it was kinda akward at first cos everyone was lost in their own conversations which left me and my brother totally clueless. then finally someone said something that we al could relate which was the ever-famous time-consuming wedding that is gonna happen in 2 weeks. scary scary. i dont know my duties as a bridesmaid at all. michelle said "dont have to do anything la". so now i feel useless just cos she needs a bridesmaid why dont you just ask your younger sister la! okay thats my subconcious mind speaking right there but it cant possibly be true.

im in a relatively happy mood. remeniscing about the past when my sister and i did stupid things. i still remember the time she had a dream that she was getting married to taylor hanson. fucking funny i swear. and now she's married. okay maybe im feeling this was because im prolly the next in line to be married off. i just wanna be succesful before i commit myself to anyone. ~~i think auji is the one by the way~~ shhhh. he doesnt know yet. eventhough sometimes he makes me angry and acts very stupidly. i still love him very much. anyway today is DARYL HALL AND JOHN OATS day on class 95 so i have downloaded the entire album and im on cloud nine. wow the simplistic life of the 80's

so tmr there's school and i have a surprise for auji!!

its over before it has begun

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 09:03:04 GMT

and i feel so...
okay i don't really know how i feel. okay i do. look how contradicting i am.
i read his blog and i feel so awful. i hope he knows it wasn't on purpose.
well so everything is back to normal. i feel that the universe is back in sync again.
and im legal soon! thats a plus. anyway today was quite alright. supposed to go for art in the morning but i skipped that and went out with auji.
we had to wait for his dad to come so i could follow him to pay for his N levels. waited until 12 so we didn't have much time to follow through with the stuff we've planned the day before. so after much pondering, we decided to go to town. ended up at far east checking our prices at the hairdressers. i say hairdresserS cause we went to so many comparing prices. i still have no clue which one i want to go to. in the first place, i dont even know if im actually gonna get that for my 18th birthday. with that comes the fact my sister is getting married 2 weeks from now. im glad for her but i think weddings make people a little bit crazy. my mum is paranoid that someone else could have nought the same dress as her and she wont look special. okay firstly, you don't have to look special cos you ain't no bride and secondly, what are the odds of that. its like finding money in a pile of shit. IMfuckingPOSSIBLE

oh goody a piece of news. she called him and maybe they'll get back together. thats great.. right?

the black balloon

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 07:53:48 GMT

well well heres eljay. friends only? well i've not decided yet.
todays been a real "great" day in a sense that its not.

will update more then the layout is complete